"The Rules"

So in my introductory post, I mentioned "The Rules". These are my mother's rules that she has developed over time. Well, actually, that's not true. I swear she makes some up as she goes along - but either way - they are her RULES. And god HELP YOU if you don't know them and follow them! So - from time to time and as they come up I will post "The Rules" for you so that you too may become aware of them and learn to live a "better" life :) Welcome to My World!

Rule #1: How to Put the Garbage Out

Did you know there was a WAY that the garbage should go out? Well, there is and shame on you for not knowing it! Where we live, our garbage goes out twice a week. My son, being the only boy in the house, is tasked with the job. Now before someone goes ballistic and says why should he have to put the garbage out because he's the boy....let me just put it on the table. That's because that's the way it is!!! Even though I'm very clear that this is 2007, our old-fashioned, Italian ways are still integrated into our sense of right from wrong. Now, that's not to say that we (the girls in the house) NEVER put the garbage out, but still...for the most part - guy job. [I can hear my friend Jeff having a COMPLETE fit right now - he, though Italian himself, rebels against these notions. Pffftttt - poor thing - he's just confused :)]. But I'll save THIS topic for another day.

Ok - so back to the garbage. Twice a week. Now - my son will usually put the garbage out before he leaves for school. We have lived here for 6 years and of those 6 I would say he's been on garbage duty for probably the past 2. For every Monday and Thursday of those 2 years, my mother will make a special effort to come downstairs and tell him HOW to put the garbage out. And by how, I mean how to actually place the bags ON the grass for optimal pick-up! She doesn't really even trust any of us to load the smaller trash bags into our larger, black trash bags (we have a ridiculously small kitchen trash can that we line with plastic grocery bags, fill up, and then transfer to a larger trash bag a few times a day. Yeah - I know - you couldn't really call us an environmentally friendly bunch quite yet)!

So today is Thursday - Trash Day #2 for the week. Our non "recyclable" day (that pick up is only once/week on Monday). We had pizza last night for dinner so instead of holding onto the pizza boxes until Monday, my mother has decided it is necessary for us to HIDE the pizza boxes in a large black trash bag and wants my son to put THAT trash bag under the other trash bag so that the garbage men "won't really see it and maybe they'll take it". Now mind you, we're all at the breakfast table when she comes downstairs to give us this command. Because we're used to these types of commands, we all just sort of look at her, realize she's crazy, and continue on with our breakfast. But the best part is the look on her face. She has actually given this REAL THOUGHT! Like it would be some sort of real life accomplishment if we could just position these pizza boxes just the right way so that the garbage men will be lulled into thinking they were actual trash and not a recyclable item! No matter how often something like this happens, it still remains mind blowing to me that THIS is what occupies her time. Not things like, ok, I'm 77 - what can I do with the remainder of my life to really leave my mark on the world. How can I contribute something VALUABLE to society to make it a better place. Nope - not my mother. Her dying legacy will be a grandson who has been trained to deceive the government, ruin the environment, and neatly pile his trash! Then, just maybe then, will she be able to rest in peace! And the best part about this is, she will call in instructions on how to put the garbage out from VACATION! Yes, you heard it folks - from VACATION! I can't tell you how many phone calls I have received from her on Monday and Thursday mornings when she is away where she is actually panic stricken thinking that we might have done it wrong or (for those of you who are Catholic, you would cross yourself here) perhaps even FORGOT!

So - if for some reason you have been putting the garbage out WRONG after all of these years. Let me know. My mother can call you too and fill you in on the error of your ways. You will feel soooooooo much better for it..... NOT!