A Short Diatribe

My niece wrote this TWO YEARS AGO and I actually saved it because to this day it still cracks me up. Thought I would share it with all of you.

BATHROOM COMMENTARY

Let me preface this by saying with close family it's different. . . all social norms and graces can be ignored when it comes to close family. You grow up talking to people in the bathroom. I can even excuse the following situation if you actually walk to the bathroom with a friend, enter together, and know that you're going to leave together. But, can one of you please explain to me however why a coworker would decide to talk to you while you're trying to go the bathroom? Seriously, how are you supposed to handle that? First, it pretty much kills those of us that are bladder shy. Nothing can make me not have to go the bathroom quicker than knowing people are listening. Second, I always feel incredibly rude actually going to the bathroom at that point. "I have so much (insert bathroom type sound effect) work to do this week- (insert another bathroom type sound effect) end. How about you?" You become so conscious of every single sound! How are you supposed to concentrate on the details of the party your coworker is throwing for her graduating daughter, when all that is going through you head is "FOR GODS SAKE WOMAN, SHUT THE HELL UP AND LEAVE SO I CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM IN PEACE!!!"???
And then, lets say you finish first. Do you have to stand around and wait for them to finish so as not to leave in the middle of a conversation? I don't plan out that much bathroom time in a day! I happen to be more of an in and out type of person, less than a minute total. And then what if someone new walks in - do you have to fill them in on the details of the conversation as not to be rude and not include them? Being that the bathroom is sort of a rotating thing, you could be stuck there all day in an effort to be polite. I find myself desperately wishing that I worked in a building with 1 stall bathrooms!

Well, I must get back to work now. I'm going to go peek in the bathroom quickly and see if anyone is in there so that I can use it!