When Your Child Decides She's a "Dork"

So my daughter and I are in the car the other day and I'm asking her about her friends at school (yes, I've been paying attention when I hear that we are actually supposed to COMMUNICATE with these budding teenagers.... and god knows that is one thing I can actually manage!). I am inquiring about what kind of kids she hangs out with (secretly suspecting that I already know the answer... but still - maybe, just MAYBE I'm wrong). She tells me, very matter-of-factly, "Oh yeah Mama... we're the dorks." Now mind you, she says this, but with no shyness, no thought that is or could be anything but normal! So - now of course this is not my DREAM response for my child and I weigh my answer cautiously and reply, "WHAT? What do you MEAN you're dorks? Why would you say that?" (Have I mentioned how EXTREMELY patient I can be and how tact is one of my strong points?). Meanwhile, my mind is spiraling ahead in her life when she will be wearing braces, glasses and be dateless for the prom! But ok - reminder to self - she's 10. There is LOTS of time between now and when she's shopping for prom gowns and really - do I WANT her to go to the prom? But ok - she looks at me and just starts laughing! "Mama! Ya gotta be PROUD to be a dork!" Well that's it - I'm done. I just can't help but LAUGH with her!

Now, let me give you a little background on this story. This is her first year in public school. Up until now she's been in a VERY SMALL, religiously based school. You could almost go so far to say that she was practically home schooled, because yes, when my kids went to school, so did I. I was their teacher for a time, part of the administration, the librarian, the computer teacher. You name it, I did it just so that I could be near and around them (Hmmm - so the crazy apple from my mother's tree didn't really roll away, it might have just thudded to the ground!). When I wasn't their teacher, their teachers were my best friends. I was always around and was able to gently caress their friendships, their activities in school, and how their classroom life was (gently caress just POSSIBLY could equate to control.... but... that's just a guess.. hehehe).

So this year, 5th grade for my daughter and 6th grade for my son, I decide it's time for them to join the rest of the planet in (can you hear it... dun dun DUN... scary movie sound track playing) public school! This was the HARDEST decision I have had to make yet in their little lives. So much of what our lives were about was wrapped up in the school they were going to. Our friends were there, all of my control (did I say that out loud???)..... you get the picture. Now - I went to public school and I wasn't popular, but I wasn't a dork either. I was a floater. I was smart, so I could hang out with the brainy crowd who just happened to be part of the athletic crowd too. I wasn't a MAJOR over achiever so I had the "middle rung" friends too. I went to a small school so the only kids I guess I really did NOT hang out with were the "druggies" (you know the ones - the kids who smoked and were the predacessors to the kids today the FBI keeps a file on). But when I decided to send the kids public school, all of the times I ever got picked on or teased or WISHED I had been TRULY "popular" came flooding back to me.

We live in a fairly affluent area so all I have ever heard about the public school system here is that its a building full of the have's and have nots. Even the guidance counselor said that the only negative he could think of with the school was that there was a "social structure" at the school based on the financial backgrounds of the parents (can you BELIEVE that!??) Financially, we're the have nots (at THIS point we're the have nots but - I keep repeating my mantra ... make money to pay for therapy for the kids later.... make money to pay for therapy for the kids later. It's a hell of an incentive!) so I have been FRANTICALLY trying to figure out how to get in with the "right crowd" so that my children would have the "right" friends (I know - you're shaking your head. I am too as I'm writing this.... but I have promised to be honest when I do this so I need to tell you the REAL story so that the end makes sense!). So, for the first few months of school I went to all the events, smiled nicely, and tried to talk to some of the other parents who seemed to be "in the know". But their "have" radar must have been on or something because THAT didn't work. Invites to join this committee or that committee or could my children come over to play just didn't pour in. So ok, I refocused my efforts. At this point, I decided, let's just focus on making sure the kids adjust and don't become one of the FBI friendly kids.

So I back peddled. I slowly but surely relinquished my fantasized control and decided to let the kids manage their own social lives for the first time. BUT LOOK WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I DID!!! She's a DORK! And PROUD OF IT!!! *sighing and laughing*..... Oh well - if truth be told....we're a family of dorks and I have lived by the same motto she is standing by today. I'm a dork - and I'm PROUD to be a dork. I managed to get through middle school, high school, and my brief sojourn at college being a dork and I still talk to various WONDERFUL friends that I made a long the way. As an adult, I'm comfortable with my "dorkness" for the most part, and have wonderful friends in spite of myself. But as parents, don't we all hope that our kids will be higher up the social ladder of success than we were? Wasn't the plan to live vicariously THROUGH them to correct the pletura of social blunders we made ourselves? Ok - maybe not so much.... but it would have been nice, wouldn't it? I love my children and I don't really care whether they are "dorks" or not. I want them to be happy and make good choices. I've given up on hoping they will be well adjusted because, let's face it, I AM their mother afterall! (repeating mantra....make money to pay for the kids therapy later.... make money to pay for the kids therapy later...).