It's Been A While!

Well sports fans, I'm back! It's been much too long since I've posted and one of my new year's resolutions is to get back into this blog. I think it will be cathartic for me in many ways and hopefully, entertaining for you.

Let's get you caught up.

My mother is STILL the trash Nazi! Isn't that unbelievable? You would think, that after all of this time, the affinity for assuring the trash got out on time and in the proper way would wane. Nope. She has dug in deeper and I would venture to say, is obsessed with the trash. Sadly, it's not even just OUR trash that she's fixated on. It's our trash and the neighbor's trash! Why the neighbor's you ask? My daughter has become somewhat of an entrepreneur these days in the fact that she is the "trash person" for 1 neighbor on a regular basis and others when they find the need. It's really a win-win situation for everyone involved. They are older and have a hard time taking the trash out so it's helpful for them and my daughter gets a few dollars for her pocket money. However, the only downside to this arrangement is my mother feels she Head of Quality Control of my daughter's little company and from around 10am on Sunday morning (as trash pick up is on Monday) she begins to remind her that trash needs to go out tonight and to make sure she goes down to the neighbor's house early. It's CRAZY! My daughter has now gotten to the point where she covertly goes to the neighbor's house just for spite. We've entered into a vicious cycle here and I feel pretty helpless on how to resolve it. So - the amazing parent and daughter that I am... I'm opting to ignore it :) Yes Scarlett, we'll think about that tomorrow!

So the kids - both in high school! How did that HAPPEN? How is it possible that I am old enough to have children in HIGH SCHOOL???? Didn't I just graduate? As much as it is a challenge trying to navigate through teenage waters, it's also been pretty incredible watching them turn into these "almost" adults. I think this is one of the points in my parenting career I get to take a step back and say... "Ok, I think I did this right" and "Hmmmm - maybe I should set them up with a therapist now so when they are adults, they have less to blame me for!". Unfortunately, as is human nature, I see all of my failures as a parent much easier than I do my successes. I guess that is where my faith comes in though because I don't actually believe my successes are my own, but rather a blessing from God. The failures... those I'll take (Italian guilt - another gift from MY mother that I am happily passing on to my own children). I'm sure God laid out a plan for me to do it the right way, but as typical of me, I wasn't always paying attention. Eh, it's ok. My kids are a little screwed up and they will do the same to their kids. It's one of the rights of parenthood - isn't it?

I've started a healthy lifestyle plan (again). I know I'm not supposed to call it a diet, it's a "way of life". Yeah yeah... I get it. I have hit an all time high with my weight and things are starting to fall apart so we're at a "you have no choice" point. I know in my heart that I have to do this - I just need to get my head caught up. The crazy part is that in my head, I'm probably a size 12 and wear thigh high boots! That's why I think I need to work on my head because clearly it is confused and the reason I still think it's ok to buy that Carrot Cake from Wegman's and eat a nice piece of it everyday. At some point I'm going to realize that Carrot Cake from Wegman's is NOT my friend, but it could be a great lover that I occasionally have an affair with. For now though, I'm having a fling with some non-fat greek yogurt. Does it have the same passion and va-va-voom as my Carrot Cake - no. It's like a PG-13 movie instead of a toe curling R movie. You get it, but you just need to use your imagination a little more. Stay tuned and wish me luck!

Work has been amazing for me over the past year or so. I've always loved my job, but I have recently been promoted and I'm so excited about the opportunities this new position is bringing me. Increased responsibility, more exposure on a corporate level and learning lots of new skills. I'm a long way from where I started after my divorce and I've learned that my possibilities are endless. Who knows - maybe I'll even go back to college when the kids go! LOL - wouldn't they just LOVE that???

I think that brings you partially up to speed at least. You know I have a million stories and so much to share, but I'm going to pace myself and let us ease back into this relationship. I'm excited to be with you again though and looking forward to talking again soon.

I'll leave you with this question.....If you had to share one new hope or dream for 2012 - what would it be?

"The Rules"

So in my introductory post, I mentioned "The Rules". These are my mother's rules that she has developed over time. Well, actually, that's not true. I swear she makes some up as she goes along - but either way - they are her RULES. And god HELP YOU if you don't know them and follow them! So - from time to time and as they come up I will post "The Rules" for you so that you too may become aware of them and learn to live a "better" life :) Welcome to My World!

Rule #1: How to Put the Garbage Out

Did you know there was a WAY that the garbage should go out? Well, there is and shame on you for not knowing it! Where we live, our garbage goes out twice a week. My son, being the only boy in the house, is tasked with the job. Now before someone goes ballistic and says why should he have to put the garbage out because he's the boy....let me just put it on the table. That's because that's the way it is!!! Even though I'm very clear that this is 2007, our old-fashioned, Italian ways are still integrated into our sense of right from wrong. Now, that's not to say that we (the girls in the house) NEVER put the garbage out, but still...for the most part - guy job. [I can hear my friend Jeff having a COMPLETE fit right now - he, though Italian himself, rebels against these notions. Pffftttt - poor thing - he's just confused :)]. But I'll save THIS topic for another day.

Ok - so back to the garbage. Twice a week. Now - my son will usually put the garbage out before he leaves for school. We have lived here for 6 years and of those 6 I would say he's been on garbage duty for probably the past 2. For every Monday and Thursday of those 2 years, my mother will make a special effort to come downstairs and tell him HOW to put the garbage out. And by how, I mean how to actually place the bags ON the grass for optimal pick-up! She doesn't really even trust any of us to load the smaller trash bags into our larger, black trash bags (we have a ridiculously small kitchen trash can that we line with plastic grocery bags, fill up, and then transfer to a larger trash bag a few times a day. Yeah - I know - you couldn't really call us an environmentally friendly bunch quite yet)!

So today is Thursday - Trash Day #2 for the week. Our non "recyclable" day (that pick up is only once/week on Monday). We had pizza last night for dinner so instead of holding onto the pizza boxes until Monday, my mother has decided it is necessary for us to HIDE the pizza boxes in a large black trash bag and wants my son to put THAT trash bag under the other trash bag so that the garbage men "won't really see it and maybe they'll take it". Now mind you, we're all at the breakfast table when she comes downstairs to give us this command. Because we're used to these types of commands, we all just sort of look at her, realize she's crazy, and continue on with our breakfast. But the best part is the look on her face. She has actually given this REAL THOUGHT! Like it would be some sort of real life accomplishment if we could just position these pizza boxes just the right way so that the garbage men will be lulled into thinking they were actual trash and not a recyclable item! No matter how often something like this happens, it still remains mind blowing to me that THIS is what occupies her time. Not things like, ok, I'm 77 - what can I do with the remainder of my life to really leave my mark on the world. How can I contribute something VALUABLE to society to make it a better place. Nope - not my mother. Her dying legacy will be a grandson who has been trained to deceive the government, ruin the environment, and neatly pile his trash! Then, just maybe then, will she be able to rest in peace! And the best part about this is, she will call in instructions on how to put the garbage out from VACATION! Yes, you heard it folks - from VACATION! I can't tell you how many phone calls I have received from her on Monday and Thursday mornings when she is away where she is actually panic stricken thinking that we might have done it wrong or (for those of you who are Catholic, you would cross yourself here) perhaps even FORGOT!

So - if for some reason you have been putting the garbage out WRONG after all of these years. Let me know. My mother can call you too and fill you in on the error of your ways. You will feel soooooooo much better for it..... NOT!

A Short Diatribe

My niece wrote this TWO YEARS AGO and I actually saved it because to this day it still cracks me up. Thought I would share it with all of you.

BATHROOM COMMENTARY

Let me preface this by saying with close family it's different. . . all social norms and graces can be ignored when it comes to close family. You grow up talking to people in the bathroom. I can even excuse the following situation if you actually walk to the bathroom with a friend, enter together, and know that you're going to leave together. But, can one of you please explain to me however why a coworker would decide to talk to you while you're trying to go the bathroom? Seriously, how are you supposed to handle that? First, it pretty much kills those of us that are bladder shy. Nothing can make me not have to go the bathroom quicker than knowing people are listening. Second, I always feel incredibly rude actually going to the bathroom at that point. "I have so much (insert bathroom type sound effect) work to do this week- (insert another bathroom type sound effect) end. How about you?" You become so conscious of every single sound! How are you supposed to concentrate on the details of the party your coworker is throwing for her graduating daughter, when all that is going through you head is "FOR GODS SAKE WOMAN, SHUT THE HELL UP AND LEAVE SO I CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM IN PEACE!!!"???
And then, lets say you finish first. Do you have to stand around and wait for them to finish so as not to leave in the middle of a conversation? I don't plan out that much bathroom time in a day! I happen to be more of an in and out type of person, less than a minute total. And then what if someone new walks in - do you have to fill them in on the details of the conversation as not to be rude and not include them? Being that the bathroom is sort of a rotating thing, you could be stuck there all day in an effort to be polite. I find myself desperately wishing that I worked in a building with 1 stall bathrooms!

Well, I must get back to work now. I'm going to go peek in the bathroom quickly and see if anyone is in there so that I can use it!